Conversations with
The Magnificent Brain
 
Shoie frequently referred to Alvin's mind as the "Magnificent Brain", or "MB" for short.  He felt that Alvin's brain functioned like a giant electronic computer, somewhat independent of Alvin.  Alvin, too, felt a certain independence from the Magnificent Brain.  Frequently he would refer a question to the MB or would have a dialogue with it.  When Alvin pulled at his right earlobe it was a certain sign that the Magnificent Brain was humming at full speed.

Here are a few examples of Alvin working with the Magnificent Brain to solve a problem:


"Alvin got a faraway look in his eye and tugged on his right earlobe - a sure sign that the Magnificent Brain was slipping into gear.  Hopefully the circuits soon would be flashing like some gigantic pinball game inside his head.

'Here's a simple one,' he said in a soft monotone, almost a whisper, as if he were in some dream world.  'What about an umbrella?'

After a long pause, Daphne said, 'What about an umbrella?'

'Why do they put the handle in the middle?' intoned Alvin.

'Why do they put the handle in the middle?'

'I don't know.  That's why I'm asking the question.  When you carry an umbrella in the rain, you want to stand under it in the middle so you won't get wet.  But that's exactly where the handle is.  The handle's in the way.'

'What are you going to do about it, old bean?'

'I'm going to invent an oblong umbrella with the handle off to one side.  Then you can stand in the middle and stay totally dry.'

The Wacky World of Alvin Fernald

 

"'What shall I do first?'

'Figure out how to release that energy whenever you want to.'

'How shall I do that?'

'Rig a lever that runs through the clamps.  Loosen the clamps slightly.  When you push on the lever, the clamps will slide off and the energy will be released.'

'Good idea.  I'll call that my Initial Energy Release.  But I can't actually operate the lever until I figure out how to harness the energy after it's released.  Otherwise I'll have a tiger on my hands.'

'Quite right.  That's good thinking.  If you keep that up, you'll be a great inventor someday.'

'I am a great inventor.'

'Thanks to me.'

'To who?'

'To me, the Magnificent Brain.  Come, now.  Who really developed all those inventions that made you famous?'

'Wellllll.  I guess you did.  But you're part of me.'

'You've talked long enough.  Better get to work.  You'll need to build a frame of some kind to hold that coil of metal.'

'Right.  I'll call that my Energy Cage.'

'Why do you always have to name things before you invent them?  You also need that lever we discussed - I think you called it your Initial Energy Release.  And most important of all, you'll have to rig some kind of mechanism that will permit you to control the energy, so you can use it up gradually.'

'Right.  I'll call that my Adjustable Energy Control.  How shall I build it?'

'Use your head.  You'll have to convert the energy from that coiled spring into some kind of a rotational movement.'

'Rotational movement?'

'You'll have to make something go around with it, stupid.'

'Oh.  Rotational movement.  Sure.  Say, I'm mighty glad you're here to help, old bean.'

'So am I, old man.'"

Alvin Fernald, Foreign Trader


"Alvin Fernald slumped at his desk as Miss Miles droned on.  He was amusing himself with a silent mental exercise.  His opponent was his own Magnificent Brain.
 
'Seat four, row two,' Alvin whispered silently to himself.

'Room 201,' responded his Magnificent Brain just as silently.

The whole idea of the game was to describe, in graduated steps, where the players were while playing the game.

'Roosevelt School,' said Alvin.

'Town of Riverton.'

'Melrose County.'

'State of Indiana.'

'North Central States.'  Alvin was proud of that one.  He'd never thought of it before.

'United States of America.'

'North American Continent.'

'Northern Hemisphere.'  Ah! There was another new one, this time scored by the Magnficent Brain.

'Planet Earth.'

'Solar System!' shot back the Magnificent Brain, believing it had won the contest.

'UNIVERSE!'  Alvin banged his feet on the floor and shouted it aloud.

'Alvin!'  The voice came from the general direction of Miss Miles's desk.  'Alvin, please return from outer space by the first available rocketship and help us solve the serious problems we have here on Earth.'
 

Alvin Fernald, Superweasel

 

"There was a pause in the room.  Then Shoie said thoughtfully.  'Ask the Magnificent Brain some questions, old man.'

Alvin looked at the mirror.  'I've been thinking,' he said slowly, 'about photographs.  Whenever we see a picture of ourselves, we sense that something's wrong with it.  It's different.  It doesn't quite look like us.  Why not?'

'Because in real life we never see ourselves except in a mirror.  We see only a mirror image of ourselves.  Our mental image of ourselves is wrong.  Our hair is parted on the wrong side.  Our freckles are on the wrong side.  Everything that's left should be right, and everything that's right should be left.'

'But not top to bottom,' hastily added the Pest.

'No.  Not top to bottom.  But I've been thinking.  When a photographer takes a picture of someone, he should flop the negative when he prints it.  Turn it  over.  That will reverse the image, and the person will see himself in the mirror every day, not like some backward stranger inside his skin.  I'll bet a photographer who did that would have so many satisfied customers that he'd be a millionaire.'"
 

The Wacky World of Alvin Fernald